EXTINGUISHED

if there was enough dust

to throw

if there was enough water

to pour

if there was much less wind

to blow

and if the fighters were stronger

and if water pipes were longer

if there wasn’t enough oxygen

to feed

if there wasn’t enough fuel

to burn

if there wasn’t enough area

to spread

and if I was much stronger

and if I could resist longer

then maybe

this fire

in my heart

could be

extinguished 

THE TREE

The fact is that nobody ever understood how exactly one day one small seed ended up buried there. Some would say it was dropped there by a bird, others would cogitate that it might have been taken by a child or a curious adult and then thrown there after they lost interest in it. What everybody knew, though, was that from that tiny seed a big splendorous tree came up in the middle of an open wide green field.

It was a beautiful tree with thick branches and light green leaves that people passing by the area would always stop to admire and to use it as shelter from the sun on the summer hot days. Lovers would use it as a symbol of their love. Some of them had left their initials written within a heart carved on the tree’s trunk: A&Y, B&J, R&D…. Initials that would have meant something someday. Initials no-one but those couples could identify.

It was two decades now, and the clouds in the sky that night were dark and heavy. A strong wind started to blow from the East bringing a storm that for years no-one had seen throughout that region. Thunders and lightnings burst among the clouds. But one of them… the brightest and scariest one, reached the earth, by hitting that lonely tree right in the middle, for it was a perfect conductor to lead the electricity to the ground.

People in their homes could see through their windows, from afar, that the marvelous tree so part of their lives had been split in two by the thunder ray. Some felt a pinch in their hearts. A small sadness for the loss.

On the other day, inhabitants of the village close to the tree field found it torn in two, black and gray in cinders. A most expert one, however, realised that even with all the destruction, parts of its top were still safe and intact, on areas where the already dry pods were. Many of them had cracked and their seeds fallen out.

A couple of years later, the area was covered with fourteen or fifteen trees of that same kind. More people could find shelter under their branches, more lovers had were to write their initials…. within hearts.

LESSONS

I have to learn to be less anxious. I have to learn to talk less and enjoy more. Moreover, I need to learn not to ask too many questions, because it might happen that the answer will not be satisfying or at all what I was waiting for.

I must reach a balance between the “being preocuppied” and the “I don’t care”. I believe I care too much, or expect too much, when sometimes I should just be enjoying.

I should take a deep breath, count to ten and let it be. And I swear that this time I am really going to work hard on it.

AUTUMN AFTERNOON

The sound of dry brown leaves scratching the grass, flying with the breeze. The gentle touch of the wind caressing the face. The comforting warmth of the sun embracing the body.

All around, the voices of couples in love having picnics, children playing. Youngsters riding bycicles and skating on roller-blades, gagging about new music hits and TV series popstars. An old lady sitting on a bench, feeding the pigeons. Birds singing.

He was lying on the ground, eyes closed, absent-minde, smiling. For he was joyful.

COSÌ È LA VITA (THAT’S HOW LIFE IS)

Sometimes you want something. Right? The most vague that may sound but, that’s how our wills and desires come and go. Sometimes you decide you want this specific thing in your life, in your job, in your closet… Time passes and it’s hard to get that thing, and then you simply want it really really bad. And because of diversities in life — that may be your fault or not — you just cannot succeed in getting that thing you want so much, until….

Well, until you think that the only solution is to give it up. Let it behind and look for something else that will satisfy your needs and desires. You go ahead on your way, feeling relieved and ok with the fact you don’t have nor want/need that anymore. Your tranquile.
Time passes and one day, you open a door and…. there it is. That exact thing you wanted so much in the past, standing right in front of you, ready to be taken by you; like a gift. Like magic.

And suddenly, all that indiference feelings go away in a nick of time and you grab that thing full of desire and passion, like never before.

That’s how life is.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF

To be here or not to be here. That’s the question I have been asking to myself lately.

An immigrant’s life can be very pleasent and full of awesome experiences, but once you passed all the excitements of the new landing, you start seeing yourself trappep in reality and thinking: “ok, so… what now?”

That’s exactly what’s happening to me right now. After three years in Israel, I am asking myself that question daily and haven’t found an answer yet. I am finding a really hard time to settle down, find a nice job, live in a nice place and I realise that is not something that is only happening with me. I have former-army colleagues who are now friends and they’re in the same situation and all of them have the same kind of thought: is it worth it to continue staying here or should I just get back to my country of origin and make my life there?

And we all seem to find it difficult to answer that question, because as much as we love Israel - in spite of some of her problems - it is a complicated task to continue loving it from within the country, when it is being hard for all of us to make a living here.

That, along with the fact that I don’t know yet what exactly I want to work with in my life in general, makes me really think if time is over and that I should go back to my homeland where things apparently would be easier due to the fact I am from there.

I am giving a time here to take all the chances I can. But I sincerely don’t know how much it’ll last.